29.
I'll be honest- I never really thought about what life would be like after, say, 25 years old. So it amazes me that I am surprised all the time about what it really is like!
This has been the best worst year of my life, and I couldn't be more thankful.
Miscarriages, changes in income, starting a new business, growing a 2 year old, beginning the adoption process, being involved and busy with family and friends and church...
I'm tired. But motivated. And stronger- knowing where I've been, but weaker (in the best way possible)- knowing God got me through.
We are embracing the crazy around here. Accepting it. Realizing that "crazy" to us just might be what God had planned all along. In general, I have not found the crazy to be fun, or pleasurable. Change scares me.
BUT- it is worth it. Beyond worth it. It's in those "can I make it through this?" moments that God has reminded me that He has a plan.
I had the pleasure of meeting an American woman who lived in Ethiopia until she was 18 years old yesterday. What a wealth of knowledge for us!
This morning, Shawn and I waited in the lobby of my OB/GYN's office. (I'll be undergoing some blood testing just to investigate any potential causes of the miscarriages I've experienced this year.) As we sat, in walked a woman, holding a little girl's hand. The girl was about 3 years old- and I immediately noticed her pretty brown skin and said to Shawn, "That's exactly how I'd like to dress my little girl". Then, looking up- I realized that the woman was wearing the same shirt that the woman I'd met yesterday had been wearing. Ethiopia. There it is. Again.
Do we want more biological children? Yes. Was adoption always a part of the plan? Yes.
So we are waiting. And appreciating all that we have. Because really, we are rich- in love, in resources, in family and friends willing to support us. Not to mention I can run to the God of the Universe to discuss these things.
But back to the best/worst thing. I'm so glad I didn't know this time was coming. But so many good things have come of it. Things I needed to experience to be who I am. There has been so much grace, so many clear reminders...God will take care of His children.
Through this time, I have discovered what real hope is. Hope is not wishful thinking- it is understanding that God's got this. God wins. And if I'm trusting Him, I'll be much more than ok.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”