it's about time! advent + an adoption update

This owl is our china baby's first ornament on our tree. I pick one out for the kids each year. no- we don't have a name for her yet, so we just call her "our china baby" for now! :)

Today is a day I should be doing so many other things. There are kids' Christmas parties, emails, last-minute Christmas gifts (thank God for those sweet teachers who wipe my kids' noses every day and love them so so well!)...

I've been needing to write an adoption update- and if I'm being honest- I've just been putting it off. I've made myself too busy with other things. But for some reason, in the middle of this chaotic day, I've decided to sit down and write. Why? Because as a counselor once told me, "Lissa, you have to start giving yourself time to FEEL your feelings". Ugh. It would be so much more convenient right now to just keep doing all the things and not really think about all those silly emotions. (sarcasm- can you tell I am a DOER by nature?)

However, I am excited to share where we are at in our adoption process right now. We have been logged in to China for 4 months now. Liv will turn 1 in just a couple of months, and that is a special date, not just because it will be her 2nd birthday (which is a miracle in and of itself), or that we will be welcoming a new niece into the world (my little sister, Layne, is pregnant!), but for another reason. When we sent in our paperwork to China, part of our request was that there be at least a 12 month age gap between Liv and our adopted daughter. It is very rare to see a referral of a child under 12 months in China. Because of the systems and processes there, most of the youngest children are around 18 months- 2 years when they are referred for adoption. So, because of our request, the older Liv gets, the more likely it will be that we get a referral. 

Can I just pause for a minute and tell you how psycho I feel right now?!? Right now a 12 month gap between my two youngest girls seems like crazytown. Like an all-out circus with bits of popcorn kernels shoved all in the cracks. To be honest, this has been one of the biggest areas of attack for me. I know that Satan knows my love for control, and I am aware that I constantly fall into the delusion that I am in control at all. So in those moments of weakness- when I already feel totally unprepared to even parent the two kids that are at home- I panic. How will I ever parent 3 kids? I can't even get them to school on time, much less doctor's appointments! (I know you moms of 3+ are just chuckling to yourselves right now- go ahead, you deserve it!)

But then there is also all that ugly pride that hangs out in the background, like it should get free rent just because it's been there so long, taking up space in my heart. The illusion that all this blessing was all ME. That EVERYONE expects us to be this or that- that I CAN DO and MUST DO it all. Gross. Just makes me want to spit it out.

When you couple the I-can't-do-it panic with the but-I-have-to-be-the-best pride, you get a mom, wife, and child of God with a serious identity crisis. 

And that has been me for the past few months. Mostly holding it together on the outside, while I wonder if we are just straight up insane on the inside. (Bless my sweet friends and family who are consistently patient with me!)

After we got our paperwork to China, I started working on a few grant applications. We have been amazed and in shock at how generous people have been so far. Friends, relatives, and even people we don't know have contributed to our fund. It has been one of the humbling ways God has not only proven Himself and His provision to me, but I know He is working on that old tenant, Pride, as well. 

We totaled up the upcoming costs we have left- and I kid you not- it was still over $13,000.00. This is what it will take to get us to China and back. Some of the fees are simply incredible, and you would be amazed at what little portion of that our agency actually gets. Much of it is travel and other fees that we will be paying to the orphanage, government, etc.

Most recently, we got work that we were awarded a matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans. They are going to MATCH up to $3500.00! As soon as we got word, I immediately started brainstorming ideas for fun ways we could raise the $3500.00. We tossed around a few ideas, but after speaking with Lifesong, we found out that we were not to offer any services or products in return for the donations. To be honest, that was hard for me to deal with. As a DOER, I couldn't imagine asking people AGAIN to just straight up contribute to our adoption fund. It would be so much easier to just make something or give my services in exchange. Easier on my pride, that is. The longer I let it settle in, the longer I realized this was a pride issue! So, again, I got to have that I-trust-you conversation with God. And of course, He has been providing just like He said he would! 

If you would like to contribute to the matching grant, just click on the "Donate" button! It is tax-deductible!

Additionally, we have decided to put all the income from my How To Work It workshop toward our adoption until enough funds are raised! This has been a dream project of mine for a while and it has been so cool to start working with the very first attendees this month! Check out more on the workshop HERE.

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The truth is, He is good. He is faithful. He's made a way. I'm not supposed to be good enough, organized enough, strong enough. He knows our daughter in China. (It's very likely that she is alive and waiting for us NOW!) He knows our future struggles. BUT, I know what He's taken us through to get to this point, and have no choice (logistically or emotionally) but to trust Him with this.

So- for a short synopsis or what is to come:

Within the next few months (anywhere from March-October, we are estimating) we will get a call with a referral from our agency. 

They will give us a file to review, and we will have an allotted amount of time to pray over the file, consult doctors and medical professionals, etc. 

If we say YES, the paperwork will start back up! Hopefully, we will travel 10-12 weeks later. 

It is crazy to think that this time next year our daughter could be home with us- and we could be a family of 5!

There is a large part of me that is ready to not be waiting. I can't wait to know that peace when my heart is not longing for something literally around the world and wondering in expectation if I should be more prepared, what that day will look like when we meet her, what the transition will look like, etc. 

But isn't that what this season of Advent teaches us? Shouldn't I ponder all of these things in my heart, just as Mary did? I'm thankful that I don't have to know all the answers. Thankful for my Savior who has allowed us to be here, on this adoption journey. Thankful for Knox and Liv and the way they bless and refine us daily. 

Thankful for all of you who have taken the time to listen to my crazy and pray for us, give to our fund and truly impact our family's legacy forever. Merry Christmas! 

Do you guys have any questions about our adoption? I would love to answer them and am a pretty open book! Post them in the comments!

DTE & Month 1 • Ethiopian Adoption

For months I have anticipated writing this post. 7 months to be exact. I really anticipated wanting to SHOUT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS in excitement, but the feeling I have is more of a quiet peace.

Not that we aren't excited. I was able to finish up the last of our paperwork last month and we were given a DTE date of 7/12/13 by our agency. What is a DTE date, you ask? 

DTE stands for "Dossier To Ethiopia", and marks the date that our paperwork (a.k.a. our dossier) arrived in Ethiopia. It is a very important date, because this is what we will refer to as we wait. And, it means we are officially on the "waiting list".

Our agency has a private Yahoo group for all families adopting from Ethiopia, and there they keep an unofficial list going (so there are many people that aren't included, as they may not be active in the group). BUT, it does give us a good idea of where we're at. We are currently at #116 for an infant 0-12 months of age, and #76 for a toddler 12-24 months of age.

We will continue to move up as referrals are given, or if we decide to change our request and widen our age range or gender preference. The people at the top spots on the list have DTE dates of January/February 2011, so they have been waiting for around 2 1/2 years at this point.  

Our dossier included OUR WHOLE LIFE, it seemed. Original birth certificates, marriage license, passport photos, medical records, and the homestudy among other important documents.

I love it when people (waaaay more people than I ever thought) show interest in our process. Generally the first or second questions we will get is, "when will you have the baby?". I am getting better at delivering my response. It's hard to say, "our wait will most likely be 3-4 years" and try to put a positive spin on it. You can see the disappointment in people's faces- not with us, but with the reality of it. It's hard not to get a little more disappointed along with them, but I know it's good for me to get to communicate about it. I mean, I'm basically thinking of this adoption on and off all. day. long...so when someone shows interest it's hard not to drown them in unwanted info. :)

And MOST importantly, I am realizing how important it is to TALK about adoption. God is showing me in a very personal way that adoption is the Gospel. It is a very literal way of understanding what God has done for us. It makes it tangible and understandable. Orphans all need something. They need food, shelter, clothing, health care, and families. ALL BELIEVERS are called to help.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

— James 1:27

I read Adopted For Life a few months ago and it set a great spiritual foundation for me regarding adoption. I think that many people who do not feel called to adopt themselves avoid the subject entirely. But the truth is, if you are a believer, it's an issue you're called to make a decision on. No, adoption isn't the answer for every family (and even if every Christian family did adopt, it wouldn't be the solution), but there is always a way to help. Remembering the the many ways we've been blessed by the people who have given/donated to our adoption makes me tear up. It's incredible. It's my reminder that we serve a really big, omnipotent God and we have to use those funds wisely to obey Him in this calling. It's made us as a family want to "give" adoption to others in the future.  

I also love to hear that people are praying for us. Please, pray for us! Pray for the others who are adopting. Pray for the nannies and workers in Ethiopia who are serving orphans. Pray for the adoption agency workers. There is a HUGE prayer need. Please, please pray. 

I do feel like I'm at the starting line of a marathon, and maybe that's why I'm not jumping up and down like crazy. We definitely celebrated our DTE date, as mentioned in this post, but I know that there will be another anniversary coming up- and maybe two, and three. Along with those anniversaries will come paperwork renewals (and the cost associated with them).

BUT- there is no shortage of reasons to PRAISE. 

1- We have had more than enough funding to write every check as we've needed to up to this point. That's around $15,000.00 that was given/raised IN 6 MONTHS. Crazy. And, we won't owe another thing until we get a referral, which as I mentioned earlier could be 3-4 years away. That gives us plenty of time to come up with the rest! 

2- The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. I have felt a little "broken" for a while now, and in that broken state I have loved the closeness of my Savior. I've come to crave it. I realize that doing ANYTHING by my own strength alone is meaningless.

3- Knox is just the best. In times when I'm needing to hug a little one, he's there. I am so, so, thankful for him. 

4- God is doing something so much bigger than us. I've felt led to pray that there would be an adoption epidemic in my community. Haha- sounds crazy, but that's what I've been praying. It may seem backward, but I'm praying it for the benefit of the adoptive families, not necessarily the orphan...they need adoption. They need to see what it feels like, to understand it from the inside. I'm convinced that it will grow more faithful believers, and create families that God is blessed by.

5- I have a new perspective. The "want" and "need" mentality of my culture is a stark contrast to the culture of my future child. I already know that this journey is cultivating an attitude of thankfulness in me.

There are so many more, but this post has become quite long... 

I'm going to do my best to post updates each month, along with a new quilt square! Yes, that's what you see above. It's a quilt square. I wanted to do something that would help me count the months, and also create something special for our child. So, this was my solution. Each month I will knit a new square and it will have a corresponding month number. At the end, it will be a keepsake for both of us! So, here's to one month DTE. :)

home study done! • ethiopian adoption

**NOTE** I wrote this blog post a couple of weeks ago, but am just now getting to post it because it's taken that long for me to get some photos to go with it! There's a little update since then at the end. :)​

I am excited to say our home study is finally DONE! It took waaaay longer to get here than I'd originally thought, but...it's done. ​

When I originally read that the paperwork process should take 4-6 months, of course I thought, "Pssshhh....but that's not our timeline!"​ Haha- little did I know- it would most definitely take at least 4 months. Getting the paperwork ready that was necessary for our home study proved to be a bit more difficult than we expected- and thankfully with the help of several helpful people and our social worker, we were able to get it all ready. (Just FYI- when we applied with America World, we were given a family coordinator, who is our connection point to the agency during the entire process, and a social worker, who coordinates the home study and follow-up visits- so there are two people we have been constantly in contact with during the paperchase.) 

Our social worker was (and is) amazing. Because AWAA is a larger agency, they have social workers in every state they work in- and ours lives in Dallas. ​Initially we inquired about having someone local do our home study, so as to save the travel fees (we were quoted 500.00- Lubbock is about 5 hours away from Dallas). Our social worker assured us that she would do her best to keep travel costs down- in fact, her sister lives in Lubbock and she would stay with her to save us the hotel costs. She also ended up allowing us to pick her up for interviews so as to save money for a rental car. In total, we were invoiced 169.00 for her flight. It was an incredible blessing- and after visiting with her, just the tip of the blessing iceberg!

​I had stressed over the cleanliness of my home, taken on several "extra" house projects in the midst, and had to compress my normal work week into a few intense work days. Let's also just say that my family didn't get gourmet meals last week. :) I refinished and painted our old dining room table, and during those late-night hours of working on it (and realizing how in-over-my-head I was with this very detailed project), I imagined Shawn and I talking peacefully with our social worker over coffee around it.

​Well, there was peaceful talk and coffee, but we never sat at that table. :) In fact, it was much more a shoes-off-feet-on-the-couch kind of thing. Throughout our discussions, our social worker was accepting of our weaknesses and doubts, and so encouraging about every little thing. She was a wealth of knowledge, and Shawn and I both left with the feeling we'd been affirmed and aided with new, helpful information. 

​One of the first questions she asked us was, "Why international adoption?". This was something I partially answered in a blog post a while back- but she gave us some info that will change our answer the next time we are asked. Our simple answer initially was that we'd always felt we would adopt internationally, because we'd seen orphanages with our own eyes. 

She validated our answer and then gave us some information that really encouraged us. She told us that for every 1 infant that is available for adoption domestically, there are 40 waiting couples. ​Because we have 1 biological son and have the possibility to have more biological children, we are not as likely to be chosen by a birthmother over a couple who is infertile and has no children. It made sense to me- and I can totally see why a birthmother would choose a couple with no children over the couple with 1 and the possibility for more. 

She also shed some light on the Ethiopian orphan crisis. Currently, there are over 5 million orphans in Ethiopia. According to the U.S. Inter-Country Adoption site, there were only 1732 adoptions in 2011. This is such a tiny dent in a huge need. Most if not all of the orphans in Ethiopia are at the orphanage because someone recognized that their lives were in danger for lack of food, shelter, clothing, or other BASIC needs. 

We have a home. We can provide food and clothing. ​Why would we NOT go half a world away to get the best gift ever?

When all was said and done, we were so appreciative of our social worker and her wise advice and encouragement in all the different aspects of inter-country, trans-racial adoption. She reminded us why, despite the difficulties, it all makes sense: we ourselves have been adopted by Christ. Completely and lovingly accepted, regardless of our unwillingness to love back, our struggle-stained past, and finicky nature. He chose us and continues to choose us every day, even though we might feel half a world away.

"Even before he made the world,

God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes." Ephesians 1:4

​And to end this post, I thought I'd share a few of those "house projects" with you! As we wait, I am learning to REALLY appreciate all the little things that I already have and that make me smile as I pass by them day to day. So I made a point to go around yesterday and photograph some of those things. 

Lola made a cameo in this image. I finally hung some new art- including an old letter A a family friend scavenged for us, this Texas artwork by Molly Mattin, some old photographs from my college photography class, and of course, some of our babe.

This table was a labor of love! It took waaay longer than I thought it would but I love it so much! Now to work on those chairs...

Ever since I first saw this "decorative object" chain-thing at Target, I wanted it. Lucky me, they put it on clearance! Whatever it is, I love it. 

This crazy table was a Craigslist find and I spray painted it. It was so unusual I just had to have it (and at $30 it was worth it)!

Shawn hung a door I'd painted in college on the wall behind our dining room table. My Mom bought me these fiestaware canisters and I have loved seeing the color on my countertops! This bicycle print hung in my Dad's room growing up, then in our laundry room at my parent's house. I'm so glad they let me take it!

This mid-century desk was another Craigslist find, as was the chair. I have 3 more, I just haven't found a place for them yet. Washi tape. And a friend found this mason jar and sent it to me- it's hard to see, but it says "Knox" on it!

My Mom found this awesome paint-by-number at a garage sale for me. The framed quote came from Promise Tangeman.

Our guest bedroom, soon to be baby girl's room! I found a bunch of quilt squares at a thrift store and pieced together this quilt. Haha- it's definitely not perfect, but we like it! And I fished out the floral prints from the Goodwill pound store- where you literally pay for things by the pound. So, for 5 pieces of paper I paid about 30 cents. :)

Mason jar + buttons. These are some of the books we've been reading. The Connected Child is super amazing, and I recommend it for all parents, not just adoptive or foster ones! God Found Us You was given to us by a sweet friend, and is hopefully the first of many adoption-related kids books that will go into our library.

​**UPDATE  Yesterday was a bit discouraging. We found out that the list of requests for a toddler or infant girl (which is what we're requesting) for our agency is 104 families long- longer than it's ever been! While this is wonderful, it's hard knowing that there are children waiting...and families waiting...with a lot of paperwork and protocol in between. 

​Will you pray with us for referrals? Referrals are when a family is matched with a child. The families at the top of the list right now have been waiting since February of 2011. That is a long wait. Please pray with us! God can make this list much shorter!

why ethiopia?

This is one of the questions we've had most lately. Our answer is pretty simple- timing. 

While it may sound un-romantic, we know it really isn't! Shawn and I have known for a long time that we would adopt- and honestly we both thought it would be from China. We have both been to China (Shawn twice, me four times) and experienced the orphanages there- held those children, played with them and hoped for them. I'm sure that our visits there were where God first stirred both our hearts for the orphan.

An image from my 2009 China trip.

Since then China's regulations have changed on international adoption- and not only do you have to be 30 to even apply (just one of the many requirements), but the process can take 6+ years currently. Once we applied with AWAA and were accepted, we were interested in two programs- China and Ethiopia. Knowing the timelines for a "healthy baby" from China were quite long, we were willing to look into the Waiting Child program. However, Shawn just turned 30 last week and it would be another 6 months before I would be 29 1/2, and therefore able to apply. The intake director at the agency asked if we'd be interested in Ethiopia- we were a perfect fit for the program.

Meanwhile, Ethiopia (and Africa in general) was become a frequent subject in our lives- and we didn't even realize it. My cousin and his wife adopted a precious little girl from Uganda last year. One of our first employees at the store is Eritrean (Ethiopia's neighboring country). My parents were meeting Ethiopian exchange students in my hometown. Some of our friends adopted their sweet baby girl from Ethiopia. (I photographed them HERE.) The day after we applied I texted Shawn this image from Starbucks:

Haha, so that may just be a LITERAL sign on the wall. :)

When it came down to decision-time, one thing mattered. The timing. We didn't expect to have a year like we did last year. I thought I'd be having another baby this month or next. We just had to trust that God had us exactly where we needed to be (ready for another child, but without one)- and that IT WAS TIME. That meant that I wasn't 29 1/2 yet, so China was out of the picture. And that Ethiopia was wide open. 

I have doubted the decision- worrying that we made it too simply- that we didn't have the faith or the patience to wait for China. But just days in I can't deny that God has shown us in so many ways that this is right.

The biggest way, by far, is the support of our friends and family. We have been absolutely amazed and overwhelmed by the number of people willing to buy a bracelet, share our story on Facebook, or send us a donation. You all have been the perfect picture of God's faithfulness to us, and we are so thankful.

 I joke that I've cried more in the past week than I did the past year- but they are all tears of joy.

As always, I am constantly updating our Adoption Page with new things that are going on. I can't wait to see the amazing things God does in us and through us while we wait!

hurt, healing, and hope

It's such a bittersweet feeling- knowing that I am finally writing this blog post- acknowledging the fact that seeing it written out in black and white will scare me a bit and cement this story even further into my past and my future. 

If you've been reading my blog for a while you may have noticed the lack of "personal" posts in the past year or so. Some of that has been due to the fact that I became a Mom (and realized how valuable my time is with my baby), and some of that is because there has been a lot going on that is not so easy to share. One of my goals for this next year is to get back to doing some more personal posts- mostly because this is MY blog. Yes, of course, it is very much about my clients and friends who honor me with the opportunity to document their stories- but my story also needs to be documented here for it to be a true picture of life.

This story begins about a year ago- my baby had just turned 1 year old and I remember being at his birthday party and realizing, "He really isn't a baby anymore- wow...". And if course the next thought that came to me was, "Holy cow- we'd better get on this baby-making business if we are going to fulfill my perfect plan of babies 2 years apart!". Haha- looking back I should have known then that my plans are so, so imperfect next to God's plans. He's proven it to me time and time again, and each time I've been thankful that He's in charge of my life, and that I am not.

Just a few months later in June, I found out I was pregnant! Shawn and I were excited, but I never let myself get too excited. I think I just knew...and about a week later, it was confirmed- I was having a miscarriage. We were devastated, but I was in the middle of wedding season and so I didn't have much time to mope. I do think that this was a good thing- I needed to be busy, and God revealed to me through other circumstances just how blessed we were. You can believe I was squeezing Knox just a little tighter. :)

During the fall we were able to relax a bit more and my work shifted from engaged and married couples to families. Shawn and I even got to go visit our friends in Germany for a couple of weeks! That time was so precious and completely refreshing. (More on that trip later). To top off the autumn, we found out that we were pregnant again in November! After already experiencing miscarriage, I knew that I didn't want to keep the pregnancy a secret for long- we NEEDED that team of friends and family there to pray for us as we hoped for a successful pregnancy and trusted God with it. We told our families at Thanksgiving, and not long after, experienced another, this time more heart-wrenching, miscarriage.

I wish I could say that I had complete closure about it. I DID have (and continue to have) a great group of family, friends, and my husband (who was mourning in his own right). I am so thankful that I know they are constantly praying for us. Really, though- as simple as it sounds, I just knew it wasn't God's timing. I had to trust that and keep walking.

In the weeks since, Shawn and I have gotten to celebrate another birthday with Knox (he is now a 2 year old rambunctious, beautiful mess), and started making some new goals for our family. We decided we'd focus on a new house. We've wanted to move houses for a few years now, and...why not? So we set a goal amount for a down payment and began to save.

One night last week I was frustrated. Not about anything important, really- I was just. irritated. And nothing could explain it. Cranky. Unpleasant. (I'm sure Shawn could throw some adjectives in there.) He asked me what was wrong. I said I wanted to buy some new bedding for the guest bedroom, and clearly couldn't because of this giant downpayment goal we had. His response was, "Buy the bedding. Use some of the $300.00 we were going to pur toward savings this month. It's not that big of a deal". (I'm sure he knew that would silence the huffing and puffing.) Ok! Instantly I was better.

Later that evening we began talking about adoption. This is not an unusual conversation for us to be having, really. We've known we would adopt since before we started dating. We decided we had no idea how it all worked, and that maybe we should begin to find out for future reference. So I messaged some friends and family I that I knew had adopted for some advice.

That night we found ourselves pouring over agency websites and watching one testimony video after another. Seeing those faces and knowing the longing that those parents felt just melted us. Suddenly the guest bedroom bedding was at the very bottom of the list. It didn't even compare to the faces we saw on the screen. We asked ourselves, "Well, what's next?" To get started, we had to apply. And the fee was exactly $300.00. It was clear to us what that money was for! 

Since then we have been accepted to the Ethiopia program through our adoption agency, America World. We are so, so excited to begin this journey. We know it may take almost 2 years. Are we planning on having more biological children? Yes. Was this the order we thought it would be in? No. But we are trusting that it is the PERFECT timing. My heart is full knowing that God hears my desire to have a full house of kiddos. Our story is not over.

So here we go- our adventure continues!

“A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows...God sets the lonely in families...”

— Psalm 68:5-6